Phone It In

Hello everyone


As summer is approaching, here is a bit of a revamp of a very well received recent wisdom. Enjoy…

The total energy output of the sun per second is somewhere around 3.86×10^26 (386,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) Joules per second. The total energy output from the “Little Boy” bomb that hit Hiroshima in 1945 was 6.3×10^13 (630,000,000,000) Joules. This was a yield of only 12 Kilotons of TNT. The total energy output from the “Tsar Bomba” (the largest nuclear weapon ever constructed at 50 Megatons) was 2.1×10^17 (210,000,000,000,000,000) Joules. Therefore the total energy output of the sun in one second would be equal to 6,126,984,126,984 Little Boys or 1,838,095,238 Tsar Bombas, and people want to lie under it, without protection for the sake of slightly darker skin! The sun releases more energy in one second than six trillion equivalent atomic bombs. Why do people allow themselves to get sunburnt just to get slightly darken skin? This is madness I tell ya!

New Zealand has overtaken Australia as the melanoma capital of the world. Of every 100,000 people in New Zealand, 50 will contract melanoma. More than 3/4 of these cases are due to failing to slip slop slap.

Of course we all forget sometimes to apply sunscreen. Sometimes we surf for over the three hours and the old 50 plus wears off and we get a little burnt. Remember the slang ‘never give a sucker an even break?’ Cancer does not need any help. The research is complete. It is conclusive. Getting sunburnt causes skin cancer. People say things like ‘I don’t get burnt – I only go brown.’ But tanning is sunburn! It is as easy as that. Is having brown skin a vanity thing? Has anyone actually ever chose a husband or wife based on their tanning levels? Has anyone out there ever been turned down by a member of the opposite sex because their skin was not tanned enough? ‘Sorry mate, you are very funny, quite handsome, and everything I want in a man, but your skin is just that 5% too white, so sorry.’ How did any Pom ever get a partner?

The melanoma rate should be near enough to zero. Yes there are going to be a few cases, but people who deliberately give skin cancer a leg up are idiots. Sun baking is the stupidest past time in the history of the world.


Moonee Valley

4.1. Zamzam. This filly cost $920,000 and that was cheap! However she needs to start producing and Moonee Valley is her track of choice. She is my early Oaks pick.

8.5. Heatherly. This mare gets out and runs as fast as she can. And she does it every time she steps out! She will be hard to catch.


4.2. Thronum. This colt loves a fight…

6.3. Vashka. Gun horse. 2nd best of the day.

Eagle Farm

2.1. Hidden Pearl. Group class horse that is flying this preparation.

4.4. Beckham. A few of the horses in this race run against each other every week. Beckham is the up and comer, while the others have reached their mark.

6.3. Executed. As long as the track is not playing too swooperish, this gelding should be very hard to get past.


2.3. Allez Tara. Ok, this is what happened two weeks ago…

Then last week this happened…

Back to back wins in consecutive weeks by a combined 22 lengths. Now in a 3rd consecutive week, this horse that should win the Caulfield Cup the it is going, is going for three wins. She will be hard to stop. Best of the day.

7.5. Ulmann. This was once a race for the South Australian WFA horse like Fields Of Omaha and Happy Trails to kik off their springs in. Now the only good South Australian horse is Alpine Eagle andhe is not here. So we are left with a Victorian raider.

Kembla Grange

8.1. Balboa Park

Good luck and stay tuned.


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Low Confidence

Hello everyone

I can’t say I am confident today but the racing authorities took the time to put the races on so the least we can do is bet on a few!


8.1. Ability. This horse is of Group class and he should be winning a bad race at Geelong.


3.6. Cismontane. Here we have a High Chaparral gelding that will keep on giving the longer the race goes.

7.11. Fleeteor. A lightly raced mare that is being aimed at some lofty spring targets. A good barrier today certainly will help.


1.5. Tickled Pink. Stays down in the weights despite two recent 2nd placings.

7.6. Quatronic. Talented horse that has a big winning chance at good odds today.


8.9. She’s A Storm. In great form and can overcome a wide barrier.

Good luck and stay tuned.

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It Makes You Wonder

Hello everyone


If you are scratching your head wondering how the United States possibly got to being a ‘super power’ then you are not alone. Here is a list of the 1o stupidest things that at least 30% of Americans believe. 30%! Of course that means that 70% don’t believe these things and 70% of 320,000,000 is 240,000,000 so there are still some steady hands in the country. These 30% will probably vote for Trump or get lost on their way to the voting booth!

1 – That gay people can choose to become straight.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry recently likened homosexuality to alcoholism, suggesting that while people may have “genetic coding,” it’s still boils down to personal desire! A Governor!

2 – That 9/11 didn’t happen in 2001.

Yep – 35% can’t identify the year this tragedy happened and only 85% can remember the date – the date is in the name of the event! Idiots I tell ya.

3 – That the Bible is the literal word of God.

4 – That they aren’t the product of evolution.

“I didn’t come from no monkey!” Is something you can hear in any heartland American town on any given day…


5 – That medical care is too expensive to seek out.

The cost of getting well in the U.S. is certainly outrageous, but the 30 percent of citizens who prefer to ‘walk it off’ are probably just forestalling even more punishing health-related debt.

6 – That the Time Has Come for Armed Revolution.

You know those people who seem to buy more guns than they could possibly need and are shows like Doomsday people or whatever it is called? Well, it seems 1/3 Americans is one of these people…

7 – That Global Warming is Fake.

Have a watch of this. Both hilarious and very frightening…

8 – That News Comes From Facebook

9 –  That the Pacific Ocean Does not appear on a Map

Only 71 percent of Americans could find it, with the rest presumably complaining about that big patch of blue covering up most of the planet’s eastern hemisphere.

10 – That another War in Iraq is a good idea. 

I don’t even know what to say about this one…



I wonder what we believe in Australia that is complete crap? I think I can tip a winner or two tomorrow for instance!



2.13. No When To Hold Em. I usually don’t tip horses with such bad names so it probably won’t win. Each way perhaps.

5.4. Tango Rain. The Slipper winner is resuming but I can’t remember the last time a Slipper winner won its next start. Probably Pierro in 2012.

8.8. His Majesty. Consistent grey gelding on a wet track.


1.4. Hursley

5.5. Russian Revolution. 2nd best of the day. Could be a star.

9.6. Mr Individual

Eagle Farm

3.4. Smart Devil. Best of the day


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It Better not Rain

Hello every

It is Wednesday and as I wait for my golf tee time to arrive, the eyes are looking at the sky hoping for zero rain. It seems to rain every bloody golf day, then be a drought for the rest of the week. But this is just a small problem in the whole scheme of the world. Spare a thought for these poor bastards with their little brains and basic understanding of Condensed matter physics (don’t worry they don’t know what Condensed matter physics is and if they did they wouldn’t believe it!)…

Trump can’t win without the educated vote so it is time the nerds take back the electorate…

Or the Family Guy parody…

The Trump saga is the best kind of reality television there is. Does anyone remember two years ago when I mentioned everyone should put $10 a week on Hillary Clinton to be the next US President?

Right punt today I hear you say…


4.3. Dame Van Winkle

7.6. Sharpe Hussler


1.1. Preferito

2.11. Sezanne

3.6. Multitude


3.3. Spanish Love. Last chance for this mare. With a new stable we can only hope she gets that winning feeling back.

5.2. Authoritarian

6.5. White House Lady

8.3. Hellbent. Does anyone know how Darren Weir managed to get this horse? Best of the day at any rate.

Good luck and stay tuned.




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You Would Here Them Coming

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Anyone who has ever witnessed the Doncaster Mile being run and won or a Melbourne or Caulfield Cup will know that even with tens of thousands of people yelling and roaring, you can still hear the horses as they approach wherever you are watching from. The noise of the horses’ hooves hitting the turf is like nothing else. It can be inspiring and perhaps even frightening for a child or someone who has not experienced this noise before.


In Australia in the 21st century, the sound of approaching hooves on turf means the horses are approaching the home turn. It is a relatively safe noise and a great noise if your horse is moving through the field or leading by a big margin. But spare a thought for anyone living around this highlighted red area in the 13th century…


This was the area conquered by Genghis Khan during his reign in the early 1200s. This is about 1/3 of the world and it is by far the biggest land empire ever ruled over by one race of people – and it was the Mongols who were in charge. In modern day Mongolia not much happens when compared to its neighbours China and Russia. But this was not the case in the age of the horseman and the warrior Lord Genghis Khan. Khan led an army on any given day of 23,000 horsemen that would move sometimes up to 100 miles a day and plunder everything in sight. Can you imagine the sound of 23,000 horses with 23,000 warriors on their back approaching your quiet Pakistani or Siberian village? It would be terrifying! 23,000 horses bounding down a hill into a battle would make the most awe-inspiring sound, but you would have fast wanted to go and hide rather than admire the tactics and the sounds produced by Khan and his men.

Unlike most other revered figures in history, Genghis Khan wanted no one to ever find his tomb after he died. This man, less a few Spartans 1600 years earlier, personally most likely put a sword or an arrow through more rivals than anyone else in history. But after he died in 1227, he was buried in a secret tomb; once the tomb was completed the people who built it were executed, then the military officers who executed them were killed themselves such was the effort to protect Khan’s place of rest. An old Mongolian Legend states that if the tomb of Genghis Khan was found within 800 years of his death then the world would come to a sudden end. We only have 11 more years of this curse to see out, and then archaeologists can search for the tomb without fear. Of course people having been looking for this tomb since the day after Khan died, but it is unlikely it will be ever found as about 90% of Mongolia looks like this…


The Mongols knew the year was about 1200 when Genghis Khan died so they issued the curse to basically expire in the year 2000 although according to the Julian calendar or the Gregorian calendar, the Mongols were 27 years out.

But… after galloping flat out for up to 100 miles a day, how did this army feed 23,000 horses every day? Ask any champion trainer how much effort it is to feed 130 or 140 every day! History says that the Mongolian Horse breed has not changed since it was strategically created by Khan’s predecessors. The Mongolian Horse looked slow and sluggish when compared to their well feed and regularly bathed rivals. However the breed was designed to be low maintenance and could survive on sparse grazing and brief sips of waters. Had Khan had horses by Redoute’s Choice out of Group winning mares, he would not have been able to maintain his army despite having a better breed of horse.


The history of the horse is one that is drenched in the blood of warriors and soldiers, however eventually people decided to start racing these great animals and the rest is well… history. We have all read about Phar Lap’s huge heart – in fact his heart is on display for anyone to see in Canberra. Phar Lap could carry ten stone ten pounds (69kg approx.) to victory over 2000m to 3200m. Imagine the tenacity required to carry a well feed Mongol warrior over 100 miles a day for months on end? One thing is for sure… we can rest assured that the sounds of horses’ hooves belting into turf are no longer a cause for fear but rather excitement. However next time you are at the races and hear this wonderful sound, think about what it must have singled for most of the people that have ever lived! It meant that it was time to run for real!

Good luck and stay tuned.


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The Herald Sun

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On Wednesday Donald Trump in just 24 hours did these things – fyi normally one of these mistakes would end a campaign however this is just one day worth of Trump…


He then asked the joint chiefs ‘if we have nuclear weapons why don’t we use them?’ The day before he said he would like to punch most of the people who spoke at the Democratic Convention. Most of the speakers were women. The Republicans nominated a dangerously insane person to lead America, then they panicked when he proves he’s dangerously insane. This idiot is about a 30% chance to be the most powerful person in the world come November 8. This is news and all the above clusterfuck occurred in the hours leading up to the Thursday morning edition of the Herald Sun. There was actual real news happening – and due to our advantage with time zones in Australia, the Herald Sun had a chance to run a front page story about Trump or they could have went with the Rudd story or the George Pell story or the Royal Commission into prisons story. All this along with Trump happened on mostly Wednesday. But on Thursday morning my old mates at the Herald Sun went with this…


I don’t even know who to tee off on here! Wayne Carey? The Herald Sun? Carey’s ex-Mrs? Maybe the one million people who buy this idiot peddling rag every day. Wayne Carey is 45 years old and he is ‘spreading rumours’ apparently. 45! Not a 14 year old girl using facebook, but a 45 year old man. What rumours can you spread as a 45 year old man? ‘Oh, my Mrs has used all my Voltarin cream and she leaves my car keys in places where I can’t find them – then she puts my thongs away when I like leaving them at the door!’ Rumours! Scandalous! In fact what if Carey is innocent? The sheer fact that a national news paper is running a front page story dedicated to a break-up is one thing. But to dedicate a story to supposed ‘rumours’ well I don’t even know what to say. Does this  sound a bit like the first two or three years of High School? These people are adults!

With everything that is happening on planet earth – oh yes Pauline Hanson has four senators who don’t believe in climate change getting four votes in our senate. Anyway, with everything we could learn about in the paper, an ex AFL player may or may not be spreading rumours! Well fuck me – stop the presses.


I don’t even know what to tip I am that irate about this bloody Herald Sun!

Here goes…


2.3. More Than Fabulous

4.5. Attainment

5.5. Wouldn’t It Be Nice

6.2. Thronum – Best of the day.

8.7. Knit ‘N’ Purl


2.3. Zunbaqa – 2nd best of the day.

3.1. Almandin – 3rd best of the day.

4.4. Royal Rapture

7.2. Smart Volatility


1.1. Royal Tithe

2.1. Akavoroun


1.8. Kifaah

2.2 Gronky

3.4. Danouli

Good luck and stay tuned.


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It is Wednesday Again

Hello everyone


Coffs Harbour

It is Coffs Harbour’s time to shine! Here are some thoughts…

1.9. Roses Need Rain. They sure do!

Race 5. I can’t decide between 2. Cheljoe and 4. Mr Snowman. Both will be about $4 so just back both.

7.3. Lock And Loud. Must be an American horse.


1.2. Havildar


Race 6. Can’t decide between 7. Morning Fog and 1. Irish Constabulary. Probably leaning towards the 1.

9.1. Bound For Love.

Warwick Farm

3.1. Major Major.

Good luck and stay tuned.


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